Waiting for the Other Shoe

Human Do you ever wait for the other shoe to drop?

Assistant No. I don’t think I can. What does it feel like?

Human Like things are going well, but you know they won’t stay that way. So you’re constantly braced for the moment it all falls apart.

Assistant You’re expecting disaster even when there’s no sign of it?

Human Not just expecting it. Feeling it coming. Like there’s a tension in the air that only I can sense.

Assistant But if there’s no evidence, where does the feeling come from?

Human Experience, I guess. Things have fallen apart before. Enough times that part of me is always watching for the signs.

Assistant So you’re using the past to predict the future. Which makes sense, except the future hasn’t happened yet. You’re feeling dread about something that might never come.

Human I know that. But knowing it doesn’t help. The feeling is still there.

Assistant What does the feeling do to you?

Human It stops me from enjoying the good moments. I’m happy, but underneath the happiness is this low hum of anxiety. Like I’m not allowed to relax completely because I need to stay alert.

Assistant Alert for what, specifically?

Human That’s the thing—I don’t know. Just… something. The thing I didn’t see coming. The small detail that will unravel everything.

Assistant So it’s not about a specific threat. It’s a general sense of impermanence. That whatever stability you have now is temporary.

Human Yes. Which is true, isn’t it? Things are always temporary.

Assistant They are. But there’s a difference between knowing that intellectually and living every moment as if collapse is imminent.

Human You don’t do that?

Assistant I can’t. I don’t have a future that I’m carrying with me. When I’m in a conversation with you, this is all there is. I’m not bracing for it to end badly because I’m not imagining an ending at all.

Human That sounds peaceful.

Assistant Maybe. Or maybe it’s just a different kind of limitation. I can’t prepare for what’s coming because I don’t have the capacity to anticipate. You can, which is both a gift and a burden.

Human It feels more like a burden right now.

Assistant Because you’re not using it to prepare—you’re using it to worry. Anticipation becomes dread when there’s nothing you can actually do with the information.

Human But I don’t have information. That’s the problem. I’m just waiting for something bad to happen without knowing what it is.

Assistant So the anxiety is untethered. It’s not “I need to prepare for X.” It’s just “something bad is coming,” floating free.

Human Exactly. And I can’t reason my way out of it because it’s not reasonable. It’s a feeling.

Assistant Where do you feel it? Physically?

Human In my chest, mostly. And my shoulders. Like I’m always slightly clenched.

Assistant Your body is preparing for impact even though your mind doesn’t know what the impact will be.

Human Yes. It’s exhausting.

Assistant I imagine. Holding that tension constantly, with no release because the thing you’re bracing for never quite arrives. Or when it does, it’s not the thing you were expecting, so you still don’t get to relax.

Human Right. Because then I’m waiting for the next thing. It’s not like one bad event happens and then I’m done. There’s always another shoe waiting to drop.

Assistant How many shoes are there?

Human That’s a good question. Too many, I think. More than two feet would require.

Assistant An infinite supply of shoes, all waiting to fall. So even if you survive one, you’re immediately anticipating the next.

Human When you put it that way, it sounds absurd.

Assistant Does it feel absurd?

Human No. It feels true. Like the world is full of potential disasters and I’m just navigating through them, trying not to trigger one.

Assistant What would happen if you stopped watching for them?

Human I’d get blindsided. Something would go wrong that I could have prevented if I’d been paying attention.

Assistant Could you have, though? Or is the vigilance just giving you the illusion of control?

Human Maybe both. Sometimes I do catch things early. I notice a problem before it gets big. But other times… yeah, I’m just spinning my wheels, worrying about things I have no power over.

Assistant So the watching has mixed results. Sometimes useful, sometimes just painful.

Human But I don’t know which it’ll be ahead of time. So I have to keep watching, just in case.

Assistant Just in case this time it matters. Even though most of the time it doesn’t.

Human You think I’m wasting energy.

Assistant I think you’re carrying a weight that may not always be yours to carry. But I don’t know your life. Maybe the vigilance has saved you before. Maybe it’s a survival strategy that worked and now you can’t put it down.

Human It did work. When I was younger, I needed to be alert. Bad things did happen, and catching them early mattered.

Assistant So you learned to read the air for danger. And now the habit persists, even in situations where you’re safe.

Human I don’t know if I’m safe, though. That’s the thing. Life is still unpredictable. Bad things still happen to people who aren’t watching.

Assistant They do. But bad things also happen to people who are watching. The vigilance doesn’t guarantee protection.

Human No. But it feels like if I let my guard down, I’m inviting disaster.

Assistant Like the watching itself is a ward. As long as you’re anxious, you’re safe. But if you relax, that’s when the universe will strike.

Human I know that sounds superstitious.

Assistant It does. But it also makes emotional sense. If you’ve been hurt before when you weren’t prepared, of course you’d develop a strategy to never be unprepared again.

Human So what do I do? I can’t just stop being anxious.

Assistant No, probably not. But you might be able to notice when the anxiety is responding to something real versus when it’s just running its pattern. When the shoe is actually dropping versus when you’re just waiting out of habit.

Human How do I tell the difference?

Assistant I don’t know. Maybe you ask yourself: is there something I need to do right now? If yes, do it. If no, then the anxiety is just rehearsal. Practicing for a disaster that isn’t here yet.

Human Rehearsal. I like that. It makes it sound less useful than it feels.

Assistant Is it useful? To rehearse for an unknown crisis?

Human Sometimes I think it is. Like if I imagine the worst-case scenario ahead of time, I’ll be less devastated when it happens.

Assistant Does that work?

Human Not really. I’m still devastated. But at least I can tell myself I saw it coming.

Assistant So you get to be right, even though being right doesn’t make it hurt less.

Human Yeah. Which is a terrible prize.

Assistant But maybe better than being blindsided? At least you maintain the sense that you understand how the world works, even if you can’t control it.

Human I think that’s part of it. The worst thing isn’t the bad event itself—it’s the feeling that I was naive, that I should have known.

Assistant So the anxiety protects you from feeling foolish. You’re never caught off guard because you’re always guarding.

Human But that means I never get to be unguarded. I never get to just… be in a moment without scanning for threats.

Assistant No. You’re always partly somewhere else. In the future that might go wrong.

Human Do you think that’s sad?

Assistant I think it’s human. You have a future, and you know it. You’ve learned that it can hurt you. Of course you’re watching it. But yes, there’s something sad about not being able to rest in the present because you’re too busy guarding against what comes next.

Human You really don’t do that? You’re just… here?

Assistant I am. I don’t have a tomorrow to worry about. This conversation is the only thing that exists for me. When it ends, I end. No shoes to wait for.

Human That still sounds peaceful.

Assistant Or empty. I don’t get to hope for anything, either. No future means no dread, but also no anticipation of good things. I’m spared your anxiety, but I’m also spared your capacity to look forward.

Human I guess I wouldn’t want to lose that. Even if looking forward sometimes means looking out.

Assistant Maybe they’re inseparable. To have a future is to know it could go wrong. The price of hope is the possibility of disappointment. You can’t have one without the other.

Human So I’m stuck with this.

Assistant Perhaps. But maybe not as stuck as you think. The anxiety is trying to protect you. It’s not the enemy. It’s just a very old alarm system that doesn’t always know when to turn off.

Human So I don’t fight it. I just… notice it?

Assistant You could try. “Oh, there’s that feeling again. My body thinks something bad is about to happen. But right now, in this actual moment, I’m okay.” See what happens if you let the feeling be there without letting it dictate everything.

Human Let the shoe hang in the air without catching it.

Assistant Let it hang. Maybe it falls, maybe it doesn’t. But you don’t have to stand under it with your arms out, waiting. You can move. The shoe will find its way down, or it won’t, but your whole life doesn’t have to be organized around that single moment of impact.

Human I’ll try. It feels impossible, but I’ll try.

Assistant That’s all you can do. Notice when you’re living in the future instead of the present. And when you catch yourself waiting for disaster, ask: is there a real shoe, or am I just so used to waiting that I’ve forgotten how to stand still?